Recovery Recap

 I decided to read through my blog posts from two years ago especially the blog post “The Start Of Real Recovery Begins”. This was when I received my referral through for secondary care services to have longer term support, it was also when I had just come off antidepressants and had a job offer which never went ahead due to them withdrawing the offer  after me having sickness in previous jobs. I’m glad the job offer was withdrawn now, not that I have really worked since May 2018 properly, I had an agency job in August 2019 but that didn’t last long. I’m glad I decided to give myself a break from work and focus solely on my mental health and recovery and learning what I need to help me cope. 

When I was referred to secondary care I had no idea it was going to entail me being still under mental health services two years later. I thought a month or two at maximum. I’m glad I was referred and had that time under secondary care, I didn’t expect to be assigned a community psychiatric nurse, I was just told I would attend more therapy under the team maybe DBT (dialectical behavioural therapy) after working with my CPN for 3 months the referral for therapy was made for me to have an assessment to see which therapy would be best suited for me. I attended 3 assessment meetings and it was decided I would do MBT ( mentalization based treatment) where I attended a 10 week introduction to MBT therapy in a group. I didn’t overly like the style of MBT and at the review meeting we decided MBT wasn’t for me but I did request an assessment with the DBT team and luckily they agreed for me to start the introduction with them when a space became available. 

September and October was a downward spiral for me I hit a huge crisis and it escalated into November and December and some of January. I was doing DBT which is probably the one thing that kept me doing during this time. As well as the crisis house admission which was a huge benefit and awakening into my recovery and wanting to get better. My mood improved slightly but I still felt extremely low and I was never going to get better but something just clicked in me at the end of March that I couldn’t keep self destructing and I couldn’t keep ending up in hospital every few months. It’s now been 6 months and 13 days since I was last in hospital for anything mental health related and that’s the longest I’ve gone since 2017. 

Since March I’ve carried on with individual sessions and made a lot of effort to make changes to help myself and give myself the love and compassion I should have had years ago. I started group DBT and although it’s over video call it has been some help in making connections with my past and how to be kinder to myself and how to look after myself especially when I’m in a crisis or feeling disconnected.  I still can’t believe it’s been two years since I first seen secondary care. Now I’m discharged to just therapy services. I’m so glad I have had and still have support in helping me manage stressful times, helping me find out more about myself and I just hope to keep making progress. I know it’s not a straight forward line and there’s always going to be times I struggle but I hope that when I am struggling I manage it in healthier ways and I don’t have to result in a downward spiral of a few months in crisis. Self compassion is key when I feel sad, I won’t let my inner critic win.

Hannah x